Life. The only one I know.

I've been thinking I want to share my baby's birth story. It really was an amazing experience, just like her sisters births. All 3 of my girls were born at home with the same midwife. It was written as a letter to her. I am truly blessed!

Dear Annika,

I’m going to start this story in the Redwoods on top of a fallen tree 20 feet in the canopy. It was your Dad and I’s 1^st wedding anniversary and we went to the Redwoods in Northern California to celebrate. While we were sitting on this fallen tree reading our vows again to each other, falling in love all over again, I looked up at your Dad and said “I want a baby with you”. Your Dad hugged me and agreed that he wanted one too. You were meant to be because just 4 days later I was pregnant with you. Of course I didn’t know right away but I had this feeling I was. Your Dad and I went camping the following weekend and we were watching the stars pop out into the sky at dusk and he was able to see so many more than I could see and for some crazy reason this made me cry that I couldn’t see these stars. That crazy reason was you. At that moment I just knew I was pregnant.

The last week of pregnancy I had a few nights of prodromal labor. It was nothing to intense but enough to take notice. The contractions never went anywhere and I was able to get a good night sleep. The morning of May 13^th I woke up and got your sisters ready for school. Your Dad and I went to Market of Choice for coffee as we often did. I felt “off” as I was standing in line and when we sat down I just knew that you were coming soon! When we got home I went to the bathroom and noticed I was starting to lose my mucus plug. I told your Dad he wouldn’t be going to work and I called Zayah at school. When she answered her whole class cheered! She had been given special privileges to carry her cell phone those last few weeks so I could call her anytime in case it was “time”. So your Dad went and picked up your sisters from school and was home by 9:45 am. In the mean time I had a couple contractions but nothing big. I just thought we would all settle into the day, home, together. We all went for a walk in the beautiful sunshine and Neeiah played at the park. When we got home we all sat outside in the sun, well, your sisters and I did but your Dad nervously took on about 10 projects that day! He planted the rest of the garden, washed windows, and ran around doing anything else he could think of doing. Neeiah gave me a wonderful foot bath and massage with flowers and coco butter while Zayah sat beside me and we talked and laughed. It was a perfect afternoon with your sisters!

As the day went on I became more and more frustrated. Everything had stopped except the mucus plug and I was starting to question whether or not this was “it”. We ate dinner and I said good night to your sisters and your Dad and I went for another walk. It was probably around 9-10pm by this time. After our walk we settled down in bed and decided to watch Juno. I started having some contractions while we were watching the movie. It was perfect background noise with the music and the subject. Contractions were only about 10-15 minutes apart and were a breeze to get through, I hardly noticed them. A little after midnight my water broke just a little. It must have been hind waters but it was enough to know what was happening. I got up and cleaned up and your Dad and I put the plastic sheet and the birthing sheet on the bed and settled in to see what would happen next. I was shaking uncontrollably at the time but as soon as I settled down that stopped. Contractions kept coming but nothing regular and they were barely time able. After some time they were a little bit stronger. We called Marjie around 1:30am and told her what was going on and she said she’d be there shortly. She got here around 2am or so. By then the contractions were more frequent and stronger. I was having to breathe through them. They weren’t as intense as I remember them to be with your sisters though so I knew there was more to come! Marjie checked me and I was only 2cm. Marjie thought it would be a good idea to walk around so I got up and walked around the house. I would lean over the kitchen table when I felt a contraction coming on and walk in circles in between them. I was really wanting my waters to break so I sat on the yoga ball and bounced and chatted with Marjie between contractions. They were intense enough by this point to where your Dad had to hold my hands while I put my head on his stomach during each of them. By this time it was about 3:30am and I was getting tired so I thought I would lie down. Marjie went and laid down on the couch and your Dad and I laid down in bed. Quickly your Dad fell asleep and I dozed off for about 10 minutes when I had a really intense contraction. I grabbed your Dad’s hands and squeezed them to get through it. I fell asleep for another 10-15 minutes then had another really intense contraction and did the same thing. One more time I feel asleep for 10-15 minutes and woke up to an intense contraction that I felt I was a little “pushy”. I knew I was dilating quickly with each of these contractions. Your Dad went and woke up Marjie and she checked me and said I was 7cm dilated. That meant nothing to me because I knew my body and I knew what pushy felt like. I knew it would be a matter of minutes before I was fully dilated. Marjie in the meantime called Chelise and Renee at 4:20am and woke up your sisters. I don’t think anyone else knew how close I was because after another couple contractions I was very much pushing. I knew it was time to sit up and get situated to push you out. Your Dad was right by my side the entire time letting me squeeze his hands and bury my head into him. I got up to go to the bathroom at one point and came back and everyone was in the room. All these faces of people that loved you and were here to help you into this world. I climbed into bed, got as comfortable as I could and started to work on getting you out. By this time it was about 4:45-5am-ish and the contractions came on strong! There was no denying you wanted out and my body was pushing on its own. It was so hot in the room I was sweating and your Dad so sweetly wiped my forehead and held my hand. I then had 3 major contractions. One I felt you descend into the birth canal and the second your head came out. I wasn’t even aware your head was out until I heard someone say something about it and I asked and Marjie (I think) said “yep her head is out!” I was shocked! I was expecting to work a little harder on that part like I did your sisters but you just popped right out! The third contraction I had, your shoulders started to come out but they got stuck. Marjie quickly unwrapped your umbilical cord from your neck and gently pulled you out at 5:07am on May 14, 2011. Your hands were folded across your chest as you came out and you needed a little help. Marjie set you on my chest and I started rubbing you to get you going. You were a little blue but it didn’t take long before you let out a cry. A screech really! You had a good set of lungs and you weren’t afraid to use them! You then turned a nice shade of pink. Your Dad and I counted your fingers and toes and checked to be sure you were a girl J Your sisters were all smiles and climbed on the bed to meet you. There we were one big happy family of five. Your Dad just gazed at you in amazement and I couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. We were in love. You then latched on to nurse with no problems and nursed well for awhile until Marjie thought it was time to get started on getting out the placenta. I handed you over to meet your Dad and got to work. I squatted on the bed, stood up beside the bed and squatted on the floor all the time shaking and barely able to hold my body up. Your stubborn placenta wouldn’t budge. By this time over an hour had passed and I was quickly fading. I was close to passing out. I had nothing left in me and just wanted to be lying in bed with my baby girl. Everything seemed surreal in the room and Marjie and Renee wanted to give me a shot of Pitocin to help expel the placenta. I REALLY didn’t want the shot but knew it was needed so I let Marjie give it to me. Even with the Pitocin it wouldn’t come out. Renee had to about carry me to the bathroom as a last ditch effort to have me sit on the toilet and hopefully expel the placenta into the toilet. Renee had to reach up there and pull it out while I pushed on last time and FINALLY it came out! Took 1.5 hours to get that stubborn thing out! Everyone was so relieved. I could now crawl into bed and enjoy my new beautiful baby girl, Annika Paige.

Over the next hour or so we weighed you and measured you. You were 8lbs 12oz and 20 inches long. I’m writing this with you peacefully sleeping on my lap and I keep looking at you completely in love. You are our little miracle, so meant to be.